Artist Statement - "Emergence"

Emergence, 22"x30", pastel, acrylic, and paint marker on paper, 2013-2014.

Of all the work I have done thus far, this piece might just be my favorite. Not merely because of the visual aesthetic of the work, or even the process involved in making it, but rather the fervent emotion it personally ignites within from looking at it. "Emergence" is more than just a physical artwork to me--it's a representation of who I want to be in this world.

I created this piece during in my undergrad, about two-and-a-half years ago. I had two tough painting classes that semester, and this was one of a final series of seven large paintings. While the concept of having a pastel figure with meridians wasn't new in my portfolio ("Blue Woman" being the original), this one brought a whole new presence and energy that was quite different than my first meridian-overlaid figure I crafted.

Honestly, I didn't really even know what it was going to become when I had my first guided thought to create the work. I simply found a gorgeous, high-contrast, black & white photo of a lovely, curvaceous figure captured in a dramatic pose. You can't see her eyes, but her body language speaks loudly nonetheless; her arms covering her torso, her hands clutching her face, her shoulders arched, and her hips leaning almost impossibly away from the top half of her body all draw you into her. What is it she's trying to hide? Why? Is she vulnerable or simply reserved? My perspective of her seemed to evolve as I slowly interpreted her onto my slice of paper.

But before I began the piece, I put on a decently intense electronic song that I had recently found called, "Rift" by Singularity, and listened to it on repeat throughout the entire process. (I'm even listening to it on repeat now as I write this!) Music greatly influences my artwork, particularly music that evokes a sense of determination, empowerment, and movement. This song in particular is one of my best examples of that; it is even included in my "Power Studio" playlist, a humble collection of only 15 songs, all of which spark similar feelings. I would imagine this piece would feel completely different to me if it wasn't for this song. It's strong, propelling manner encouraged me to rise to my fears of not being perfect, to not give a damn about what others think or feel about my work, and most significantly, to coax out my light, that which we all carry within.

I first drew her unlikely posture with an extremely rich purple soft pastel. My choice of color was due to the high-contrast I could achieve with that single pastel--the darkest mark I could make was the most brilliant of all my pastels. I blissfully savored filling every shadow cast of her gorgeous figure, as well as bluntly highlighting her edges so that she stands out. I chose not to fill in the space between her eyes, as I was thinking I would fill them in later on. And there she stood, looking naked in her glory--somehow more naked than the absence of clothing already exudes. She needed something else, just like the other figures I had previously drawn. So from there, I 'clothed' her through adding the meridians. I first coated the soft pastel with fixative spray to keep it from moving. Then, taking my white and gold paint, I went at it. Beginning with the chakra centers, I intuitively formed the connecting branches and adding the points. She was complete.

Step 1: Draw Figure

But the background was not; it was messy with purple fingerprints. I thought about her inward manner and decided to interpret it differently. Instead of painting in an out-to-in directional manner, I did the exact opposite. I wanted her to radiate, to shine brightly. White paint had already outlined her outsides to get those super clean edges and make her pop, then I started on the outside edges of the paper with black and purple paint, slowly adding more white as I closed in on her. The flowing manner of the brushstrokes reminds me of the way flower petals lay over each other. There's a softness to the figure that the background mirrors; she's sensitive, beautiful. Yet the beauty I focus on in this piece isn't on the figure herself, but rather on the inner power she possesses.

Once I completed the piece, I set it upright, stood back, and let the emotion of it sink in. White paint did end up making its way into her eyes, making them appear as if they were half-open. It was this that made all the difference to my interpretation and inspired the name "Emergence". This woman is not weak nor dainty; there is an immense power within, that she is only just discovering. Yet, it is not the intense, in-your-face power, it is the quiet kind of power. The kind that often goes unseen but can be felt. It's an inner strength that keeps one loving, humble, empathetic. While the figure covers her front, I feel that the movement of energy emanates through her unseen, but stretched back, which the background lends to. She is emerging into the internally powerful woman that she is.

Photo Cred

Within months, I was re-watching my all-time favorite childhood series, "Avatar: The Last Airbender." The Eastern-tinged lessons that this show teaches are ones that I hadn't found in any other children's program. I hold such love and appreciation for this show, you can count on the fact that I will show my children-to-be this series in its completion. In one of the episodes, Aang, the main character, is under guided meditation with a guru. He learns about the chakras, and goes through the process of opening each of them up, one at a time. Aang gets to the last chakra, the crown chakra, which has to do with cosmic energy. Under meditation, he's in space and sees a large version of himself glowing in light violet hues. This gigantic replica had eyes and arrow tattoos glowing brightly white, being lit with what is assumed to be the cosmic energy.

Photo Cred

With excitement, I realized how similar this imagery is to my painting, both in color and theme. There's something about glowing eyes in the night sky that really elicits the feeling of quiet power. Personally, this imagery reflects the understatement that it is to be truly ALIVE. Is the energy that makes us alive cosmic energy? This inner strength I speak of, does it stem from cosmic energy? Is cosmic energy the light we all carry, and what ultimately unites us all?

While the feeling of this painting has spoken novels to me since its creation, it wasn't until recently that I fully understood the work and whole-heartedly identified with it, almost as a spiritual self-portrait. I was dealing with a lot of stress at the time, specifically handling one difficult person in my daily life. She hurtfully put me down in various ways, often bringing me to tears once I was alone and let her insults in. Pain, low self-esteem, and inferiority had filled my psyche. As I was falling asleep one night after a particularly challenging day with her, I thought, "Why can't I be stronger? Why can't I refuse to accept her words?" and dozed off. While waking up--but still in that semi-conscious state--my mind was intensely filled with thoughts and images of Joan of Arc.

Photo Cred

I've often received words, feelings, and imagery (even inspiration for artwork!) during this semi-conscious state that have mysteriously aided me in my daily life. Once I awoke and my cognitive abilities had returned to me post-sleep, I rushed to my laptop and typed in her name. I briefly recalled Joan of Arc's story that I learned from my hellish days in Catholic school; she went against common gender roles, became a famous female warrior of her time, and successfully led battles under the guidance of God. The imagery of her I contained in my mind was of his badass she-male that carried immense inner and outer strength. With that, I imagined Joan of Arc must've been externally hard and driven, not allowing emotions to overcome her.

Joan of Arc by John Everett Millais, 1865
Photo Cred

However, my internet search had completely juxtaposed and obliterated that assumption; Joan of Arc was actually incredibly emotional and would sob after every battle for all those that had to die. She permanently etched herself into human history as a fearless warrior, yet had this huge, bleeding heart that was clearly visible through her ardent bouts of emotion. This was quite surprising, I had no idea! I then made the connection of this information to my questioning before falling asleep. Whatever the source or force is that injects my semi-conscious mind with information (I call it the broad, all-compassing name, 'the Universe') was clearly answering my questions.

Strength is not necessarily in being tough-faced, it can be through opening your heart and feeling emotion. Given that those emotions properly release, I become clear-minded and have the ability to see things from a higher perspective. I then chose to find compassion for this woman who treats me the way she does, because there's a reason for her actions--I imagine she must be experiencing some sort of pain and/or fear. After all, every single one of us has our burdens. As I wholeheartedly believe all things happen for a reason, I knew that her presence in my life served a purpose, if not several. If she didn't treat me the way she did, I wouldn't have been brought to my knees to ask such questions, have these realizations, and learn a life lesson from it. I learned how to be strong through compassion, not deflection.

While I can't recall exactly when, I made "Emergence" my phone screensaver around this time, and it remains as such to this day. As I would typically consider myself modest, it most certainly feels weird for friends and family to see my artwork being plastered on my phone. However, my intention of it is not to market my work, but to instead remind myself everyday of the power of compassion and the light we carry within. I want shine my light, and to have the courage to find compassion for others everyday, no matter how challenging or hurtful they may be.

(Visual proof)

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